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15 Nov

Films that have failed us in 2016

‘Pakistan’s film industry is back on its feet’, ‘Support Pakistani films, be Pakistani’, ‘Go back India, we make better films in Pakistan’ … such are the remarks you hear after a Pakistani film does well in cinemas. Unfortunately, that hasn’t happened much in 2016 and we’ve had more duds than hits. People like me – who watch an average of four films every week – make a quick exit when the film is not up to mark or below the line known as ‘very bad’. Time is too precious to be wasted and yet in 2016 alone, we have seen too much wastage. This really isn’t the best way to revive the industry, we feel. Let’s take a look at the ‘Stupid Six’ without the release of which the industry might have been at a better place.

 

Hijrat

one liner: Bad things come in all sizes

Farooq Mengal is one of those TV directors who had the potential to make a good film, however he failed to convert that potential when he came up with Hijrat. The casting, the locations, the plot (if any), the dialogues, the music, the cinematography, the direction, the length, the editing …everything was simply awful. When you hear “Why are you going to Pakistan, am I not hot?” in the initial moments of the film, you know that the ride to the end is not only going to be bumpy, but ugly!

 

MF

 

Hotal

one liner: What The Hotal!

Once upon a time, Meera had the superpower to attract audiences to the cinemas. But that was 20 years and Meera’s youth ago. Times have changed and these days her only superpower is to ‘super piss you off.’ Hotal is one flick that achieves just that and little more. We see Meera as she turns into a snake, she gives her daughter to the ‘old lady in the moon’, solves a murder when in deep sleep and loses her cat who returns as Poornima. This is not a joke! Then there is a place where whatever happens is bad and that’s why it’s called HotAl. We kid you not.

 

Sawaal 700 crore dollar ka

one liner: Starts with ‘Once Upon A Time’ narration, ends with ‘Dafuq’

Jan Mohammad was one of the better cinematographers and directors we had in the 70s; in the 80s he made some cheesy flicks and directed his last movie in the 90s. His son Jamshed is a good DoP but a terrible director and his first flick Sawaal 700 Crore Dollar Ka proves that talent isn’t genetic. Unfortunately, when the reviewers like this scribe tried to express this to him in polite words, he started a campaign against us on Facebook. Actually lots of filmmakers have taken to FB to vent. However, Jamshed’s film was so bad that no actor from it – notably Jawed Sheikh & Shamoon Abbasi – has any plan to return for the ‘possible’ sequel or his next flick ‘Jawani Lay Doobi’ (God save us).

 

Blind Love

one liner: For the blind, deaf and dead!

Syed Faisal Bukhari has the Magneto touch; his projects drain all money from investors and send it into the space for good. Apart from Aamir Qureshi’s acting and a couple of songs, there was nothing worth mentioning in this flick. Mathira looked sexy (to the director), Yasir Shah looked a hunk (to the director), story seemed classy and modern (to the director) and the script was as horrible as horrible can be. It would have been better had he released the film in his drawing room and watched it with like-minded individuals than torture the well-wishers of Pakistani cinema.

 

Blind Love

 

Teri Meri Love Story

one liner: It was even worse than horrid!

You have read about all the above-mentioned films, right? This one was worse than all combined. There were situational, mental, emotional, technical, operational, abnormal and criminal blunders that made the movie unwatchable. Director Jawad Bashir did the postproduction himself and it was just as bad as the script (by him and co-star Ahmed Abdur Rehman), the acting (by all), the songs, the dances (especially Uzma Khan’s) and the fight sequences. Not even the presence of TV stars Mohib Mirza, Ushna Shah and the rest were able to save this movie from self-destruction.

 

Jeewan Hathi

one liner: When the elephant enters the wrong room!

It was supposed to be award-winning directors Meenu – Farjad’s return to cinema in 3 years but it turned out to be an amateur film that would have suited TV better. The acting is top notch but things happen so haphazardly that one even finds the 60 minutes long! The intention behind the film (to blast the morning shows) was good but the medium was off-target.

 

Jeewan Hathi

This is clearly not the last of such films … there will be more to come in recent days, we warn you. One hopes that their ‘suicide attempt’ at the box office makes ‘these people’ understand that filmmaking isn’t as easy as ABC. The audience isn’t stupid and it is their verdict that sends a project fall in the good, bad or ugly category!

 

– The writer’s opinion does not necessarily reflect the views of Something Haute but we believe in freedom of speech!

 

 

 

Omair Alavi