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9 Jul

BAN: will Qandeel Baloch make the cut?

You can laugh; you can cry. You can ogle or you can shy away. You can flash a lecherous smile at your computer screen or you can touch your ears with a shocked ‘tauba tauba‘ as you see Qandeel Baloch strut her stuff onscreen as an underage kid (at least that’s what he looks like) with a barely-there beard serenades her. By now we know that QB has a thing for beards. To be fair, this is Aryan Khan’s song and it merely features Qandeel Baloch. It merely FEATURES Qandeel Baloch. This, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the DEVIL to Taher Shah’s ‘ANGEL’ and you should prepare yourself for the horror before you indulge. You may never recover from this.

Now that you have braved this video and there can be no spoilers, here are 5 things that you may have missed (especially if you watched with your eyes wide shut)!

  1. Qandeel Baloch’s thighs are thicker than Aryan Khan’s face. Note: opening sequence.
  2. A chunk of this video’s budget was saved on wardrobe as QB decided to follow the ‘less is more’ policy. We do wish there was a little more though.
  3. QB’s body continues to move even after she has stopped.
  4. This is not what Chanel was referring to when she designed the Little Black Dress.
  5. Aryan Khan wears a Guy Fawkes mask in the video, for reasons unexplained. We wish there was one for QB too; in fact we desperately need a mask big enough to hide Qandeel Baloch completely.

As a Pakistani, we must apologize for unleashing this on the world. As if Taher Shah wasn’t enough. In all honesty, though, Taher Shah really was angelic compared to this sludge of sleaze. And that’s exactly what QB (obviously no relation to Quratulain Baloch) is cashing in on, as she has no real talent. Enjoy if you can; avoid if you’d rather not.

PS. Qandeel Baloch should apologize to Mufti Abdul Qavi. She’s obviously into younger men.

Aamna Haider Isani

The author is Editor-in-Chief at Something Haute as well as Editor at Instep, The News. Full time writer, critic with a love for words and an intolerance for typos.

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